Monday, June 10, 2019
By:
I’ve found that, in physics spaces, the less I speak, the more popular I am. Something about my voice or my mannerisms or the way I see the world is displeasing to the average physicist; and though I can change how I act so that they’ll think I’m someone I’m not, silence is easier. In these cases, I would not call silence a choice; I would call it a defense mechanism.
In silence, I’ve learned how to speak. I’ve learned to say as little as possible to get my point across. I’ve learned that I don’t need to show my soul to someone to earn their respect.
As the Pride festivities continue, I find myself silent once more. The disconnect between what Pride makes queerness look like and what my experience of queerness has been is jarring. Is this silence a defense mechanism?
I want to tell you, dear reader, how my queerness has made the path to this internship all the more rocky for me. I want to tell you that I am too queer for most. I want to show you how most people hide their queer parts. But right now, I choose silence. Right now I’m silent because it’s Pride and I’m not proud. I’m silent because people want to hear about the good parts of being queer. I’m silent because right now it’s not so good.
In the silence, let us remember who Pride is about: Muhlaysia Booker, Layleen Polanco Xtravaganza, Marsha Johnson, and many more whose names we’ll never know.
Anna Perry